After 20+ years of providing couples therapy in Salt Lake City, I’ve seen firsthand how Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) can heal relationships that seemed beyond repair. As a certified EFT therapist and supervisor at Peterson Family Therapy, I want to share how this approach creates lasting change for couples in our community.

Beyond Traditional Couples Therapy: The EFCT Difference

Many couples come to us after trying traditional couples therapy without success. They’ve learned communication techniques and conflict resolution strategies but still feel disconnected and frustrated. Why? Because traditional approaches often address symptoms rather than the root cause of relationship distress.

Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy takes a different approach. Rather than teaching skills, EFCT helps couples understand and change the emotional patterns that drive their interactions. This science-based method focuses on the emotional bond between partners – the secure connection that is the foundation of a healthy relationship.

The Science Behind EFCT’s Success

EFCT was developed about 30 years ago by Dr. Sue Johnson in Canada. As a graduate student working with couples, Dr. Johnson realized traditional therapeutic approaches weren’t providing the tools for real change. This led her to develop EFCT with colleagues, grounding it in two powerful theoretical foundations:

1. Attachment Theory: Originally developed by John Bowlby to understand what creates security in children, attachment theory recognizes our need for safe, secure connections continues throughout our lives. Dr. Johnson applied these principles to adult relationships, understanding most conflicts arise from threats to our sense of secure connection.
2. Person-Centered Therapy: Drawing from Carl Rogers’ humanistic approach, EFCT emphasizes unconditional positive regard, acceptance, and reflection. The basic idea is people must feel completely understood and accepted before real change can happen.

What sets EFCT apart is the science. More than 20 peer-reviewed studies have proven EFCT works, with 70-75% of couples moving from distress to recovery and 90% showing significant improvement. These results surpass any other couples therapy approach.

The Negative Cycle

At the heart of EFCT is understanding what we call the “negative cycle” – the repetitive pattern of interaction that keeps couples stuck. Often these cycles follow a pursue-withdraw pattern:

• One partner, feeling disconnected, pursues – perhaps through criticism, complaints, or persistent questioning – trying to get a response and reassurance.

• The other partner, feeling overwhelmed by this pursuit, withdraws – perhaps by shutting down, becoming defensive, or physically leaving – trying to reduce conflict and emotional intensity.

The more one pursues, the more the other withdraws, creating a cycle that intensifies over time. Both partners feel misunderstood and alone, even though they’re reacting to the same fear – the fear of losing connection.

What’s amazing is these cycles happen across couples of all kinds in Salt Lake City. Whether I’m working with young couples just starting out, established couples in midlife transition, or same-sex couples facing unique challenges, the underlying attachment needs and patterns remain the same.

The EFCT Process: From Distress to Connection

As an EFCT therapist with over 20 years of experience, I guide couples through a structured process:

Stage 1: De-escalation

First, we work together to identify and understand your negative cycle. When couples recognize how they get caught in this pattern and how both partners contribute – not from malicious intent but from attachment needs – blame diminishes and understanding grows.

This stage involves:

• Identifying the negative interaction pattern
• Recognizing the underlying emotions that drive reactions
• Understanding how the cycle takes over and damages connection
• Beginning to externalize the problem – seeing the cycle as the enemy, not each other

Stage 2: Restructuring Bonds

Once the negative cycle is de-escalated, we begin the transformative work of creating new interactions. Partners learn to:

• Access and express deeper, more vulnerable emotions
• Clearly communicate attachment needs and fears
• Respond to each other’s vulnerability with compassion
• Create new, positive cycles of interaction

Stage 3: Consolidation

In the final stage, couples solidify their gains by:

• Developing new solutions to old problems from a place of secure connection
• Creating a compelling story of their relationship journey
• Establishing rituals that maintain connection
• Building skills to prevent future disconnection

EFCT in Action: A Salt Lake City Success Story

Here’s a disguised example from my practice that illustrates EFCT’s power: James and Maria came to therapy on the verge of divorce after 15 years of marriage. Their pattern was clear – Maria would criticize James for being emotionally unavailable, while James would withdraw into work and silence, seeing Maria’s complaints as proof he could never please her.

Through EFCT, James began to recognize and express his deeper feelings: “When you criticize me, I feel like a failure. I withdraw because I don’t know how to fix us, and that terrifies me.” Maria, hearing James’s vulnerability instead of his defensiveness, connected to her own deeper emotions: “I push because I’m scared of losing you. When you turn away, I feel abandoned.”

As they began to recognize their shared fear of disconnection, they could step out of their negative cycle. James learned to stay engaged even when uncomfortable, while Maria found ways to express her needs without criticism. Their new pattern became one of reaching for each other rather than pushing away.

Is EFCT for You?

In my 20+ years of providing couples therapy in Salt Lake City, I’ve seen EFCT work for:

• Communication breakdown
• Emotional disconnection
• Recovery from affairs and betrayal
• Sexual intimacy issues
• Parenting conflicts
• Life transitions (becoming parents, empty nest, retirement)
• Trauma healing

EFCT is effective because it doesn’t require both partners to be equally committed initially. Often, as one partner begins to change their part in the negative cycle, the other naturally responds differently.

Take the First Step

If you’re struggling in your relationship, know there is hope. The negative cycles keeping you disconnected can become positive cycles of support and love. At Peterson Family Therapy, we’re committed to guiding couples in Salt Lake City through this journey of healing and reconnection.

With over 20 years of experience and specialized certification in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, our team provides expert guidance through this proven approach. We believe most relationships can rediscover the security and connection that brought partners together in the first place.

Ready to transform your relationship? Contact Peterson Family Therapy today to schedule a consultation with one of our certified EFT therapists.

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Ed Peterson is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW), Certified Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) Therapist, and Certified EFT Supervisor at Peterson Family Therapy in Salt Lake City, Utah.