What Families Need Most: Being Heard and Seen

At Peterson Family Therapy, Candace and I are very aware that when working with families, one of the most important things we can do is make sure that each member of the family in the therapy office feels heard and seen.

Now, people may have very different opinions. There may be arguments. But our job is to make sure first of all that one person talks at a time. We make sure that we take time so that one person can fully say what they need to say—and that they will not be interrupted. And we work with the other people in the room to strive for respect.

Equal Time, Equal Voice

In a family counseling setting, our job is to make sure there’s equal time among people in the room. This sounds simple, but it’s powerful. When a teenager knows they’ll have uninterrupted time to express themselves, when a parent knows they’ll be heard, when a sibling knows their voice matters—things shift.

Most family conflicts aren’t really about the issue on the surface. They’re about not feeling heard. They’re about feeling like nobody respects what you’re trying to say. So we create the conditions where that can happen.

Safety Comes First

We also make sure there is safety. And all of this—the one-at-a-time speaking, the protection from interruption, the intentional striving for respect—all of it helps increase respect and increase a sense of well-being for all the members in the therapy office.

When people feel safe, they can be vulnerable. When they’re not afraid of being attacked or interrupted or dismissed, they can actually express what’s really going on. That’s when real change becomes possible.

It’s simple, but it works.