Accepting People As They Are While Still Expecting Growth

The following video clip from master teacher, coach, motivator, and writer Mel Robbins encapsulates what we believe here at Peterson Family Therapy about accepting people where they are while still expecting them to grow.

Everything Mel Robbins writes and teaches is gold. I recommend her highly.

In couples therapy, especially in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Candace and I make sure that we are modeling acceptance—seeing and understanding people just as they feel and act in the present moment.

This doesn’t mean we accept all behaviors—absolutely not. There are boundaries that should never be crossed.

But we have to remember that people don’t completely change their personality. To be emotionally healthy and have healthy relationships, we need to have a certain level of understanding that people aren’t perfect. We must see people as they are now.

So watch this short video by Mel Robbins—because it’s gold. It’s powerful. It can change your life. It has changed mine.

 

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This video is consistent with the way Candace and I (here at Peterson Family Therapy in Salt Lake City, Utah) view the issue of acceptance when it comes to attachment and bonding.

As Emotionally Focused Therapists, we can’t stress enough the importance of balancing accepting people as they are with wanting change. But it’s vital—vital—vital that people feel seen, accepted, and understood for just who they are right now.

If we listen deeply and try to have empathy, we understand what people are feeling and thinking in any situation—and this doesn’t mean we have to accept bad behavior.

When people feel accepted, seen, and validated just as they are, that is often the moment when real change begins.